The finale to a series of posts that I last touched a year ago.

I have been away from my dream job for just over a year now, and am back at my previous dream job again just over a year too. I had previously written a few posts about job loss grief, and it is interesting that feelings still manifest themselves now and again. Weirdly enough though, as time passes, it actually seems more and more like the final phase is dependent on the job you lost.

I love what I am doing now, building new software using Microsoft Fabric. It may end up being one of my final big projects I work on. (That sounds morbid I suppose, but I worked on the previous iteration of this solution for over 15 years and in a perfect world, we/they will be building on this foundation for many years to come. A lot depends on Microsoft Fabric’s future which will be interesting because it changes every 15 minutes it seems.)

I say this to say, I am happy, and I hold no ill will towards my previous employer, but I do miss a lot of what I did there, though I do most of my favorite parts here on the blog and in the conferences I attend.

The point, back to the point

The point of this post is to maybe tell others that feelings from being laid off still exist (and if so, you are not alone). In my case, not just from 2 years ago, but 28 years ago too. The feelings manifest in different ways, and for me it is different based on how much and why I liked or loved the job. It could be the work, it could be the people, it could be the mission of the job.

I personally worked hard to be carefully differentiate the early fear and grief from the initial action from the later feelings that linger, perhaps forever. When some major negative occurs in your life, feelings of all sorts lingering is perhaps universal. The thing is, just like when someone passes away that you loved and relied on, there are are at least two types of feelings, first that you will miss them, and second, practical fears. Or in other words, I am sad that this person died, but I may also fear the loss of their support, income, etc.

When you lose a job you didn’t expect to (often abruptly on a random Tuesday when you are at a theme park), there is a clear fear aspect because less money will be coming your way soon (which tends to hit more than just the theme park budget quickly!) It may be your main source of income and that alone is terrifying unless you have enough money to retire on at your same level until you are 80+ years old. This is a pretty rare thing, even for many 79 year olds!

How the job made me feel is big

I have been laid off twice. The first time, there wasn’t really so much grief as relief once I had settled in with another company. I knew that company was in a mess, but it was in way more mess than I even realized until a while after I separated from them. It was surprising since I was told I was going to be kept around during the reorg doing more full-stack programming. But minds were changed without telling me. Then I never felt any lingering grief so much as just a bit of dread it could happen again.

The second time was (and still is) something that I am dealing with feelings about. The fear is gone as I described. I am back at work elsewhere. I am fine with the company and am an ambassador for that company’s products again and recently published an article on their website. You can see I still love the brand reading my LinkedIn posts about the glories of their tools.

But that job was my dream job that I waited years for. When the previous editor was stepping away from the job, I got my chance. I was told by many people this was a solid job (even though I definitely questioned that in my interviews!), but those people were not who were involved anymore. I admit that if I was picking positions to eliminate, mine probably would have been in my list of choices too.

Forget the rational stuff

You can rationalize grief and all the later feelings all you want. For a real example from my life, the fact that my dad was a larger person who picked up a bacteria that caused his sepsis that could have also taken the life of a different person in perfect health and as just noted, my dad was a larger person is no more comforting today than it was when the doctor said it to us 30 years ago. (I paraphrased in a less blunt manner than the doctor used, but that was the gist. Yes, a less blunt manner.)

Feelings aren’t rational things. And when something that seemed healthy to you ends abruptly, it leaves a lasting mark. You can’t stop thinking about “what if?” and “I wish I could still do that” or as Pinal Dave’s post asks “Who will do my job now?” (I did think that as well, for a long time, too.)

Pinal Dave’s post finally got me to get over the hump to finally finish this darned post series that had been marinating for a long time.

All of this is natural and certainly is not simple. The circumstances matter more than you would think.

So if you are still feeling adversely about a job you didn’t want to lose long after you get your next job, dream job or not; realize it is okay as long as you aren’t obsessing about it years and years later. That irrational feeling that pops up occasionally is okay. You lost something that meant something to you, and it still affects you.

Learning from the past is important, just don’t let old, irrational feelings trick you into making poor decisions or being afraid of trying exciting things in the future.